If you have a brief moment of lucidity, PM me and I'll send you a deposit address for my own, just now established bank. The T&Cs are pretty simple, once you deposit you can request your coin out at any time with a short description of what you want to spend it on. If it's valid I'll process the withdrawal minus a 10% fee, if it's another investment in an obvious scam I'll tell you no.
Sure it's going to cost you money, but at least you'll come out ahead vs continually investing in the crap that's being peddled around here.