You do know that the new forum comes out pretty soon, right? It will contain everything you listed, except maybe Newbie jail.
Information about the new forum can be found in their designated sub-forum and more basic information can be found in the "
Unofficial list of (official) Bitcointalk.org rules, guidelines, FAQ"-thread, which also tells you when it's supposed to be released. It's a sticky in Meta, so if someone really had a question about this, they would have read the sticky first and then posted something if it's not answered by the sticky.
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Q: So when is the new forum software coming?
A: Well, according to theymos, some time after February 2015.
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Source:
Unofficial list of (official) Bitcointalk.org rules, guidelines, FAQ.
Soon has been said for the past 6 months. I seriously won't be surprised if (when) the new forum doesn't come out in early 2015 (as was said to be the release date). When it comes out, I can only imagine all the new problems that will come with it (I seriously hope not but disappointment after disappointment after delay after downtime leads to a cynical way of thinking.)