But if I use "disablewallet=1" the "dbcache=4" option won't reduce the needed amount of RAM, or am I wrong?
(By the way I've upgraded the RAM size to 1024 MB of my VPS and now bitcoind is more responsive, but still far from the perfect!)
I guess my post was too long, sorry

disablewallet=1 disables the wallet cache, which is 1MiB. It won't save you much, but it doesn't hurt.
dbcache=4 decreases the other caches to 4 MiB, which by default total 100 MiB. Setting this too low might decrease performance, though... I don't know what a good number would be, but if DnT and shorena both say 4 is a good starting point, I'd trust them, and then maybe tweak it up a bit if you have any spare ram.