Evan solved Bitcoin mining's variance "problem" by adding a Reference Node.

Evan solved Bitcoin's diffuse/diverse/leaderless community "problem" by acting as dictator, on behalf of THE DARKCOIN FOUNDATION INC.

Even solved Bitcoin's Nakamoto Consensus "problem" by adding a remote killswitch (AKA 'spork control') to enforce his whims.

Did I miss any of Dear Leader's Cargo Cult solutions?