Miserably bad? No one actually asks you to come and pay in gold coin, the system with gold backed paper notes eliminated the issue which you are referring to here. The system of gold standard got heavily abused in the end, but that was not a fault of gold as such or its drawbacks. Gold as currency has significant flaws (you didn't name them), but these are not relevant to its functions...
Yes but if you introduce a gold backed currency ,the same thing will happen again, they will just take it away.Or find ways to work around it.
The whole point of cryptographic currency is to eliminate the reliance on 3rd parties, would you trust a central bank of keeping honest books about gold reserves? Would you trust politicians? Would you trust the mint ?
I would not, since we got much better alternatives.
Yes nobody asks you to pay in gold coins, and you always need to work around that, while you can already do that with bitcoins (if people would be willing to trust it). Paying with gold is phisically impractical, while paying with bitcoin is only
"not that trendy yet".
I`m sorry but gold fails as a currency, in every shape and form, and you know this too, but for some reason you are blindly attached to your beliefs.