My uncle is a prominent lawyer in international business law, based in Germany but he has been in american courts often. I will have a chat with him and after explaining him the concept of bitcoin, he might be able to give a qualified answer on how the chances are of getting the coins back, if there even is a chance...
Can you video how he responds when you tell him that hundreds or thousands of people, some of whom actually consider themselves to be reasonably intelligent, gave six million dollars to somebody known as "pirateat40". I think that'd be fucking hilarious personally 