I am not eating any carbs at all. I just ate pork and spinach for dinner. Didn't even eat any sweet potato.

M.S. is a grinding shit. Sometimes I feel if I could just get rid of this body, I could be happy again. But then when I drive to the basket and fly in the air one more time, I don't want to give up this body just yet. My gf says I out boxed the heavy bag this afternoon as compared to some other very athletic 20-somethings in the gym today. I let her hold the heavy bag once and I hit it and she flew to the ground and she will never hold the bag again, lol.

Working night and day (literally) is probably exhausting (but it used to be exhilarating before I contracted M.S. and still is exciting sometimes ... well often but I always have the M.S. lurking and disrupting the sense of good feelings).

I think writing 10,000s of posts in forums and not ever finding a technological peer to collaborate with can be sobering in way. Which perhaps affects the mood.

Mostly I think I am just tired from the workout but I don't want to sleep. I want to go finish a white paper, but don't know if I have the energy. Probably have no choice and must sleep.

I am tired of thinking about my stressful life. About all the pitfalls laying in front of me due to my (non-divorced, with one of still minor kids until 2017) ex being in the USA, due to having this fucking USA citizenship that I'd love to throw over a cliff some where if I could...

My ex spends more of my money than I do. I live frugally. I recently stepped up from a $80 a month chicken shack to a proper 4 bedroom, 2 bath, modern home in a gated subdivision for only $350 per month. I am spending less than $10 a day on food (and feeding 3 people).

I had been giving away a few $100 every month to various people I know whose families are suffering health and poverty issues. Need to get back to that again this week.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis

Multiple sclerosis (MS), also known as disseminated sclerosis or encephalomyelitis disseminata, is a demyelinating disease in which the insulating covers of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord are damaged. This damage disrupts the ability of parts of the nervous system to communicate, resulting in a wide range of signs and symptoms,[1][2] including physical, mental,[2] and sometimes psychiatric problems.[3] MS takes several forms, with new symptoms either occurring in isolated attacks (relapsing forms) or building up over time (progressive forms).[4] Between attacks, symptoms may disappear completely; however, permanent neurological problems often occur, especially as the disease advances.[4]

While the cause is not clear, the underlying mechanism is thought to be either destruction by the immune system or failure of the myelin-producing cells.[5] Proposed causes for this include genetics and environmental factors such as infections.[2][6] MS is usually diagnosed based on the presenting signs and symptoms and the results of supporting medical tests.

Although most people lose the ability to walk before death, 90% are capable of independent walking at 10 years from onset, and 75% at 15 years.

A person with MS can have almost any neurological symptom or sign; with autonomic, visual, motor, and sensory problems being the most common.[1] The specific symptoms are determined by the locations of the lesions within the nervous system, and may include loss of sensitivity or changes in sensation such as tingling, pins and needles or numbness, muscle weakness, very pronounced reflexes, muscle spasms, or difficulty in moving; difficulties with coordination and balance (ataxia); problems with speech or swallowing, visual problems (nystagmus, optic neuritis or double vision), feeling tired, acute or chronic pain, and bladder and bowel difficulties, among others.[1] Difficulties thinking and emotional problems such as depression or unstable mood are also common.

There is no known cure for multiple sclerosis.