"My personal emails are my personal business. Right?"

No, you incredibly ugly old hag. They were on government property. That makes them the property of the government. Translated, that means they belong to me since I'm one of We, the People.

Good God, that orange suit! Who dresses that ugly thing, anyway?

And yes, I've worked on government equipment and I know that you do not, under any circumstances conduct personal business on government equipment.