Nakamura is, name aside, actually a good candidate. He speaks perfect English, played games with the internet, usually sacrifices a pawn in the early game, and has a reddit account.

However, Nakamura uses emoticons frequently, which OP has yet to do at all, even with the SMF smilies. Additionally, 36% of Nakamura's sentences end with an exclamation point. This is far, far more than OP's ratio (<.1%).