I guess this is as off topic as it get's.

The older I get , the harder it hurts.
    
      First off, 8 years ago, I started getting these horrible "headaches". Not migraines or what you would think are normal headaches, but mind numbing killing head pains on the right side of my head called Cluster Headaches. Don't let the headache part fool you, I can not simply take a aspirin to get rid of this pain, this condition has been called suicide headache for a reason due to the intense pain that just can not be stopped unless proper treatment is provided. I have been on a cocktail of drugs for the past 8 years that has completely fucked up my life and lost a large portion of my friends and social life.

      It wasn't until last year that I started getting the right treatment I needed. I am on Verapemil, O2 , Topiramate and have Sumatriptan injections which are great for stopping an attack when it happens. Only a handful of the people I know , including family , truly understand the shit I go through for this lifelong none life "threatening" condition. Work is a cunt, all they hear is headache and think I am bullshitting most of the time. Everyday is a fucking drag going into work fucked of my head on meds stopping this chronic pain from making it's appearance, and when it does come at work I always feel guilty of the fact that I have to leave everyone in the shit by going home to suck on my o2 tank while they think I am bulllshitting my self out of work, I need the money, I don't get sick pay or anything!

      My social life is next to none, it's obviously better now I have some form of treatment but I have lost 8 years to this pain that I will never get back, I am 33 and single! I can't put any partner through this bullshit I am going through. It's such a burden for me, imagine what it will be like for them. This is the only reason I got into bitcoin due to having so much time being in so much pain. For the past fuck knows how many years I must of quit and rejoined Facebook well over 200 times due to this very reason, no one gives a shit. And why should they?.

      So what is the point? All I keep thinking about is taking all my meds and being done about it. Everyone is having kids and getting engaged or married, getting promotions and what not, and I'm still the same cunt bitching about me. Surely the world is better off without me, fuck it.

I haven't been that active here for the past year I guess, due to me trying to get my life back. And I guess I am saying this here due to this place being the last place I felt at home at...

I am sorry for saying this, I am sorry for making anyone's day shit by making them read my shitty grammer or horrible words of offence,

I just had to get it off my chest just in case I do something.

And thanks for the experience, I hope it goes well for you all.