Ah, yes, the old "If you've done nothing wrong, you've got nothing to hide." Well, let me tell you something. I've done something very wrong. I got a girlfriend. What's wrong with that, you say? Well, I don't know either, but her jealous and abusive ex seems to think I've done something wrong, and he says if he ever finds us, he's going to kill us both. So you'll have to forgive me for "not having the balls" to ID myself.

Nah, I'm just kidding. My girlfriend doesn't really have a jealous and abusive ex. You see, the real reason I won't ID myself is that I once did a... "modelling job" to help pay for college. A search for my name reveals some, ahem, pictures that I'm not entirely proud of. Dammit, had I known those pictures would be used as the "before" pictures in advertisements for a certain penis enlargement product, I never would have agreed to it. Anyway, I'm hiding my penis (please, no jokes about having "nothing to hide" ).