Actually it's pretty easy to satisfy c). Either go to the police and drag the guy in front of court (assumes you do at least know the real world identity), or sell your debt to a debt collector - they can be pretty annoying. Did anyone actually try that?
You seem to have a very peculiar notion of how exactly debt collectors work. How's this "sell them your debt", do you go to the Debts R Us Outlet which is right next to the pawnshop and "sell the debt"?
Debt buying/selling is b2b not retail.
@D&T My money's on b vanishing.