I went shooting this weekend. Put about 100rnds. through each of my assault rifles. But I must be doing it wrong because I didn't kill anything. In fact none of the guns I currently own have ever killed anything. With the exception of my CC weapon, they are for competitive shooting at targets.
Thank you for sharing these insights into your character and personal life. When I was a kid, like many other boys, I liked to squash, damage and destroy things. Like most adults, I outgrew such things. Suggestion: find a hobby which is stimulating to your mind and/or body. Try hiking, cooking, sailing, photography, reading, movie watching, painting, gardening, design, tennis, whatever.