remember the signatures are moved. to allow them to be processed differently. and old clients cant reject the transaction simply because it doesnt have a signature, if its locked into a confirmed block by a malicious miner. instead its just overlooked.
Your example is invalid because this "malicious miner" can't include an invalid tx in a block, otherwise the whole block would be invalid and hence rejected by the network.
The tx would be invalid, no matter how "funky" it is, because you have to correctly sign the inputs, and if you do not have the private keys of the inputs, you can't provide signatures.
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to a old client its not invalid.. its just funky.. just like old clients would treat transactions in the future after segwit is released.. still funky to old clients.
remember old clients WILL NOT see the signature area. so they wont validate the transaction. they will just blindly accept it.
I'm sorry, but you just don't understand how bitcoin works (and hence segwit): as many others have already explained to you, you are just confusing inputs with outputs.
While it's true that old clients will not verify segwit signatures, those signatures are for segwit outputs. Old transactions (like the one of satoshi you would suggest) are old-style transactions and hence, with new or old rules, needs normal signatures for their
inputs.
So you can't spend them in both old or new network rules without having the relevant private keys, no matter how "funky" the
outputs are (please understand this is the only part of the tx you can mess with).