I was told to hold "onto" my balls... thought it'd be exciting. Didn't know that it'd be because they'd been repeatedly kicked, me, left writhing in pain.

Sorry cause i dont have balls,and besides i am already prepared for the bicoin halving..i need some money for me start in my small busineess in our community.
If you don't have balls or bitcoins your on the wrong thread lady, but don't worry about it too much...
Your best solution is to hold onto someone else's balls and don't forget to bring your moonboots....