It all fits together perfectly now. The last puzzle piece I actually received from the very perceptive TanteStefana, so thanks for that.
What we knew already:

CryptoNote: NSA group project

Nicolas van SaberhAgen = alleged creator of CryptoNote protocol, when in reality an inside joke, see bold letters

Bytecoin: First currency using CryptoNote, proven scam due to premine and broken anonymity caused by that premine.

Monero: "Bitmonero" as it was called was launched by an anonymous entity and almost definitely by the same entity that launched Bytecoin in an attempt to get rid of the exposed Bytecoin premine scam desaster and reboot the same trash with the same objective: Government honeypot

Last puzzle piece:
iCEBREAKER: I came to the conclusion that he's not Eduardo de Castro after all but rather a government operative there to create tension within the crypto community among privacy minded individuals and pull more people into the NSA-Monero-honeypot.

Dash (see? Not off-topic, dear mods!) is the only majorly successful cryptocurrency offering efficient anonymity without being a honeypot-scam ran by the government, that's why government agents have been incessantly attacking it for the last 2 years. No sane person on earth would be trolling the same project for that amount of time and with that frequency without it being their job. I know I will be quoted on that previous sentence, but no argument you can ever make will change the truth of that statement, government shills.

You've been exposed again. Better relaunch another CryptoNoteClone!