What's wrong with you, don't you understand science?!
Look, bitcoins are clearly a valuable good. It's an antifragile, disruptive, distributed public ledger with literally millions of real-world uses.
Its value value is guaranteed to double in a few hours by the immutable laws of the cosmos.
Have you even read the White Paper?
Dammit, upon further inspection it appears this paper is indeed ivory, and not white. According to the
Theory of Colors, that explains things.