www.nicehash.com (not a referral link)
Basically you can rent hash from nicehash which is basically the same as what you wanted plus save all your escrow problem and shipping hardware charges.
Or better still, rent from mining rig rentals (
www.miningrigrentals.com) which is basically what you wanted.
Both of those require that you already have BTC. If I already had BTC, I wouldn't be looking to rent miners. If you are trying to make a profit mining, you just have to suck it up and make a room for noisy fans. (And a source of cheap electricity.)