Re: Do you think "iamnotback" really has the" Bitcoin killer"?
As I am reading back over the 3000+ posts of discussion between (mostly) @keean and myself from the September and October 2016 period, I was clearly getting very frustrated with the rate of progress + my illness and eventually had to quit at the start of November, so I could go focus on researching and writing the white paper, which I stopping working on at the end of December. January trip to Singapore, diagnosis, treatment began Jan. 21 and here we are early March and I am starting to regain my health and some of my clear mind and productivity (not 100% yet but there are encouraging signs).
The necessary productive work is done by collaborating with those who are also working at the same technological level. It is best if you are pretty much working decentralized (some minimal level of synchronization) and have a mutual incentive to collaborate on open source.
It is lonely when you can't actually code because of illness which was the case for me the past couple of years at least. Because the do-ers are not attracted to the talkers. For a former overachiever do-er who was handicapped by a illness acquired at mid-age, it is like a super-athlete with a speech impediment being put in a straight jacket. You go fucking crazy. But this problem appears to be melting away and damn does it feel good.
Again I think it is very difficult for someone to understand how someone could type yet not code. I don't know how to let someone who has never had chronic delirium understand it. You can't possibly understand that which you have not experienced. Tell the child to not touch the hot stove but they don't understand what the feeling of burn feels like. Once they understand it really fucking hurts for days, they have an appreciation which they lacked before the experience.
To experience chronic fatigue delirium for an extended period of time so you can appreciate the debilitating effects, I think you need to go give yourself a salmonella infection while also poisoning yourself with some toxins and double up with some amoebas and a few other GI infections and sustain this for about a month. Then maybe you'll have some slight appreciation. But do it for 3 years nonstop, then I'll consider you my health ailment peer.
Note there are those who are in a much worse predicament than me. I can't fathom their suffering. I suffered so much and I don't even want to remember it. So I see what these sufferers are going through and I can't even tolerate thinking about it. I feel for them but I don't even want to feel for them. I have no reserve of strength to suffer more (really if they didn't cure this I was getting tired of fighting) to even entertain the thought of suffering. I want to be far away from it for a long while. Perhaps the example of Jesus wasn't to emulate him but to realize he suffered for us, because we aren't capable of suffering all of it (no matter how strong we think we are). I am not becoming religious again, just saying.
If I will become wealthy, I think I must pay for the surgery for those who suffering such this man who will soon go blind without surgery to remove tumors from his face. How could you make this man a little bit happy. The gravity of it.
The world isn't so neatly ordered as we may want it to be. It is a journey, not a comparative level or one-right-way. High horses are for those too blind to see their pedestal teetering on stilts in quicksand. Babylon.
I need remind myself of this and stay grounded.
they are the ones in your sphere you need to collaborate with I guess ... Vision is often a lonely business.
The necessary productive work is done by collaborating with those who are also working at the same technological level. It is best if you are pretty much working decentralized (some minimal level of synchronization) and have a mutual incentive to collaborate on open source.
It is lonely when you can't actually code because of illness which was the case for me the past couple of years at least. Because the do-ers are not attracted to the talkers. For a former overachiever do-er who was handicapped by a illness acquired at mid-age, it is like a super-athlete with a speech impediment being put in a straight jacket. You go fucking crazy. But this problem appears to be melting away and damn does it feel good.
Again I think it is very difficult for someone to understand how someone could type yet not code. I don't know how to let someone who has never had chronic delirium understand it. You can't possibly understand that which you have not experienced. Tell the child to not touch the hot stove but they don't understand what the feeling of burn feels like. Once they understand it really fucking hurts for days, they have an appreciation which they lacked before the experience.
To experience chronic fatigue delirium for an extended period of time so you can appreciate the debilitating effects, I think you need to go give yourself a salmonella infection while also poisoning yourself with some toxins and double up with some amoebas and a few other GI infections and sustain this for about a month. Then maybe you'll have some slight appreciation. But do it for 3 years nonstop, then I'll consider you my health ailment peer.
Note there are those who are in a much worse predicament than me. I can't fathom their suffering. I suffered so much and I don't even want to remember it. So I see what these sufferers are going through and I can't even tolerate thinking about it. I feel for them but I don't even want to feel for them. I have no reserve of strength to suffer more (really if they didn't cure this I was getting tired of fighting) to even entertain the thought of suffering. I want to be far away from it for a long while. Perhaps the example of Jesus wasn't to emulate him but to realize he suffered for us, because we aren't capable of suffering all of it (no matter how strong we think we are). I am not becoming religious again, just saying.
If I will become wealthy, I think I must pay for the surgery for those who suffering such this man who will soon go blind without surgery to remove tumors from his face. How could you make this man a little bit happy. The gravity of it.
The world isn't so neatly ordered as we may want it to be. It is a journey, not a comparative level or one-right-way. High horses are for those too blind to see their pedestal teetering on stilts in quicksand. Babylon.
I need remind myself of this and stay grounded.