I think the market is merely an aggregate of individuals. I think there is no requirement for each miner's fee vs orphan balance point to equal any others' for the market to create an aggregate equilibrium.
Well, in regular markets there's no such requirement. Every individual supplier has its own cost structure and supply function. What makes the mining market special is the fact that every miner who changes his block space supply (i.e. block size) will influence the supply curves of all the other miners.
If we set aside the problem of unequal hash rates/network connectivity that gets reinforced by the free choice of block size, the block size could IMO stabilize at an equilibrium point, which would not be at the intersection of market supply-demand but a converged individual equilibrium where no miner has an incentive to deviate from the average block size by building smaller or bigger blocks. Unfortunately, it seems that such an equilibrium can only exist if everyone has the same supply curve, but not in the real world scenario where economies-of-scale and geographic location (both in terms of connectivity and electricity price) results in different supply curves for individual miners.
Thanks for the hint.