Pretty much, i'm a 22 Year Old Canadian that lives in Toronto. I was dating a girl for a year then things broke off, moved back in to my mothers.Shes moving across the country in 19 days,to help my grandfather since my grams passed away.
Been handing out resumes like a motherfker, but to no avail.I'm trying to get my shit together and finish my high school so i can study computer science next Jan. I've been abusing my adhd meds recently and going on 2-3 day coding binges where i won't stop until i'm finished or my mind/body won't let me stay awake any longer.
I'm terrifically terrible at human interaction, and all my life i have been told i come off as a sketchy person.I'm addicted to cigarettes, weigh 120lb and am 6ft tall (lankyaf). Essentially i will get eaten alive in a homeless shelter.
I know it sounds cliche but i do not connect with society, nor have i ever truly connected with anyone.Such words are easy to say, anyone can say them but it is truly so for me.I feel as if from birth our minds are black boxes. Through our brains development we create rules/standards or "metaphorical bridges" to connect with others or to be connected to.And it all just went over my head.
Don't really know what i'm looking for in all this,
I have no idea what i am wanting to achieve in this post, i guess advice from an older person?or to know others feel as disconnected as i do?or a dank meme? I guess it makes no difference, feels good to release some stress.
Internet's the only place I've ever actually felt human.
Life is difficult. Why not move with your mother and work on completing your high school? Atleast you wont have to stress about the basics. With your grandfather and mother, there will always be shelter and food. This will make finishing school and the job hunting process a little easier. Annnnddddd man, stop abusing those pills and cigarettes. You are digging a deeper hole for yourself. You have enough to deal with. Where do you even get the money to smoke that much?
With regards to human interaction. It is not easy, even for me at my age. Try people with the same interests as you. I promise you are not as sketchy as they say you come across . All the best man, you can do this.