Psssst. The super-duper-secret information resulting in this apocalypse, which will finally end the biblical time period we've been suffering through, is that a philosophical approach to life will make you happy, and thus make others happy. Now all we gotta do is disclose this information to the rest of the world and we'll all be dandy.
I can vouch for this. It's no exaggeration to say that philosophy quite literally saved me from the abyss and changed my life.
I'd be careful with that one. There are a lot of philosophical beliefs that are kinda of.................