Fasten your seatbelts: Bitcoin volatility in for a wild ride
Stardate July 20. 2017
Day traders are salivating as Bitcoin spirals into insane volatility driven by Segwit speculation and tectonic changes in the virtual currency marketplace.
Private client brokers are sprouting like mushrooms. Many existing services like BTCBOX are creating large client services, hinting that Bitcoin is going bigtime. Meanwhile, as the thieving latte fatboy pled innocent as his futile criminal trial opened in Tokyo, Japanese retailers and all major Japanese exchanges are planning to suspend services during the August 1 signalling milestone. John McAfee, the well known security researcher has promised to eat his own dick if Bitcoin does not go above $500,000. I guess we know what his recent investments have been. In an effort to save McAfee's dick, Richard Branson announced "I think Bitcoin is working" in an interview. Insiders are predicting the August 1 doomsday will be a non-event, while naysayers are having a field day with $100 million in losses to Ethereum holders due to client protocol bugs. Meanwhile, anybody with any money left in Venezuela is feverishly trying to figure out what a "wallet" is before their last Bolivar is gone. I guess that's what they get for accepting money named after a Communist revolutionary. Meanwhile, in the land of nabobs, where currency manipulation is a blood sport, the government has unexpectedly announced that their crazy speeches about making Bitcoin illegal were premature, so they will "regulate" it after all. Good luck with that, BJP. Meanwhile, in Switzerland, Falcon, a private bank, became the first to be government approved to manage bitcoin assets, thereby potentially opening the door to billions in parity between the legendary alpine gold Franc and the NEW KID ON THE BLOCK--all carefully monitored by the gnomes of Zurich, of course. Meanwhile, in South Korea, ATMs now allow withdrawals in cash out of Bitcoin accounts. Meanwhile, in the cradle of Bitcoin a "magistrate judge", whatever the hell that is, scolded the IRS for trying to seize the records of every account in Coinbase, and gas stations in Miami now allow you to buy bitcoins at special automated kiosks. You just put your raw cocaine in a cup in the machine and it gives back a receipt with the public and private key of a newly-created bitcoin address. Meanwhile, US retailers are experiencing shortages of high-end graphics cards. Trying to buy a Nvidia Tesla? No can do. Distributors are saying only that there are "production hiccups", but the word on the street is that--you guessed it--the AntPool guys are buying them up.
The next 30 days are going to be crazy, fasten your seat belts.