Ok.  First off +1 for making me laugh, this was good
Secondly, the sad thing is as i was reading thru it thinking this is clearly a scam i can actually see this working.  Not the scam part, that would obviously work, look at some of the replies here.  But people wanting this coin just to manipulate it, screw someone else, and walk away with some money.  The trick would be, owning the only exchange that traded it.  That way you can collect all the fees.  And since the miner isn't available, you get all the miner fees too. 
I think you just found the self perpetuating Ponzi Scheme where you actually win. 

Nice.
Glitch