Is this too simple? What am I missing here?
Why cant you just send your bitcoins to your wallet on your computer. Backup the wallet.dat to a usb stick. Close the bitcoin wallet. Delete the wallet.dat from your computer. Restart bitcoin wallet so it creates a new fresh wallet with no bitcoins. Unplug USB containing your bitcoins.
Doesn't this make your bitcoins completely inaccessible to everyone except the person holding the usb drive?
Or Buy a cheap android phone, Install only 1 app (Bitcoin) and send all your bitcoins there. Use it to send and receive bitcoins.
Take a backup in memory card also.