I screwed up and bought a shit ton of coins at 0.00000001 btc each.
Now I can't get rid of them because no one wants to buy. The buy side on both exchanges is empty and there is a total of 116 btc's worth of XP on the sell side

What should I do?
Put your coins in a wallet, forget about them, and let them stake. In the future you will wish you could buy more at 1 sat.