I solved the lack of updates problem.
I put in a print_r statement that told me my nonce was too small.
That made me think maybe I was reusing some keys (1 iMac, 2 android devices, two BFX accounts).
I was right!
Yeah, the way the bitfinex API enforces nonce is strange. I usually just use microtime on just about every other API in the world and it works fine, but on really busy BFX keys, there seems to always be lots of conflicts. Easiest way around it is to generate a new API key for every device / bot / app.