Bitcoin's going great...
But what the hell is happening with altcoins?

Can't we follow the old rule? When bitcoin goes up, alts go up too?

If you think that there is such a "rule", then your thinking is deluded.
Sure, sometimes there is correlation... sometimes there is coattail dynamics, sometimes there is pumpening that goes beyond bitcoin, but these are not rules.. Every pump and dump cycle has it's own dynamics that may not be exactly predictable, but in this case there does seem to be some possible recognition of value.. that is bitcoin is much fucking more valuable than a bunch of copycat white papers, claiming to be bitcoin 2.0, with features that largely could be built upon bitcoin or a sidechain of bitcoin.. So it is not that the alts do not provide some value, but frequently their issuing of coins causes way more perception of value rather than fundamental value in terms of various networking and building that takes time rather than pure theories.
You cant do sidechains.. federated peg doesnt work. Spv proofs give miners too much power. You need quorum of oracles to sign off. It wont be done on btc as it requires bonded validators.. a pow+pos hybrid design. A trustless sidechain design isnt in the cards for blockstream