Doesn't criterion 4, "Seller or redeemer of traveler's checks, money orders or stored value", pretty much fit the bill?
No. Bitcoins have no "stored value". There is no guarantee that a Bitcoin will be worth anything, ever, and there is no obligation on the part of any party to pay anything to a holder of a Bitcoin. Like used collector stamps, they only have value because others will buy them (at least at the current time - it is clear that these actions are intended to chill the market by removing buyers from it).