Sure, I could give you a loan.

7% interest per week, compounded hourly.

First send me: a scan of your government issued ID, a scan of a recent piece of mail showing your current address, your telephone number, your social security number, your mother's maiden name, your credit card number (and expiration date and security code from the back of the card), and a picture of you with a shoe on your head. And a one page description of what you are going to use the money for and how you plan to pay it back. Oh, and you will have to give your bitcoin address to send the funds.

How much do you need?