Thank you very much to everyone for your help.
It's not just only this problem right now in my life.
I don't want to give up but I am weakened by all of that.
The life is really not funny for me, I really don't know what to do now.
Buddy: from the way you described about yourself- we could tell you are quite young and stupid. Most of people (including myself), have been through what you are going through now - it's not a big deal. As you live longer and experience more of life and look back a few years from now, you will think it is SO fucking silly for you to even sweat over the $15 grants - it's nothing !!! Listen to what everyone here have told you - tough it out and move on...it may hurt a little when the mob come to break your leg because you craped away the $15K you had borrowed from them and couldn't afford to pay them back 😊 ...I'm just kidding you know that 😜