I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.
There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.
Are you US based?
Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!
Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?
But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.
On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...
I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.
PM me if you want to chat.