I am glad you didn't have to follow up that devilish urge! Now what you really need is not even the donations, but a fundamental change in values and outlook. You should be able to tell yourself that even $1M is still a small amount of money compared to your life, because there are humans making billions and you're a human. You have made money before and so more is possible even without resorting to gambling, because that is not a right place to go for money making. Whatever happens to us in life is inconsequential, because the last chapter of our lives are not written yet and can only be written by ourselves.