There have been a few dark days during my own teenage years that I'd quietly considered not-so-quietly 'cashing out', had I a firearm at hand. Thankfully I no longer feel that way. I don't think you will wake up one day to find your suicidal tendencies just disappeared without having put in some effort to resolve the underlying issues, as though a simple addition of 'years since birth' is the only factor in determining ones mental stability, and I definitely don't think a chemical dependence is the way to go. Assuming you agree, or this thread wouldn't be here...

I would be happy to talk with you about this one on one sometime Atlas, if you like. From your singular post in this thread I can't pinpoint an instant solution for you, but I would like to help you explore your feelings and see what answers we can find. For example, examining times you've had the chance to contribute but chose not to, or times you've failed to achieve whatever it is you wanted to, what your motivations were at these times and how these manifested as undesirable actions and outcomes, or why you feel so strongly about your perspective that you are willing to ventilate your skull. Take this strangers advice with a pinch of salt, but I would recommend weaning yourself off the drugs and taking time for some honest introspection - aided if you don't think you can pull yourself out of your gloom.

I know I'm an unknown here at the moment; I've been quietly lurking for a while. I know of somebody else who regularly helps people talk out their issues who I think would gladly speak with you, if you'd rather.

I wouldn't condone suicide, but I think its' a position I can understand... if somebody chooses to die then that is a sad choice, but it is their choice to make nonetheless.