I don't understand. Can I pick "zero fees" then? And they will give me zero fees then? How can I pick my own feees? This does not make sense to me.
You didn't read what I wrote did you? 
"Good" users will then check https://bitcoinfees.earn.com/ and https://btc.com/stats/unconfirmed-tx to get an idea of how busy the network is and what sort of fees are required to get their transaction confirmed in a reasonable amount of time"You're more than welcome to try zero fees... then watch your transaction get rejected for not meeting the minimum relay fee... and/or stuck for multiple days not confirming because you chose a fee that was too low.
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Also, to pick Electrum for bitcoin, Electron cash for bitcoin cash and another one for Bitcoin gold seems a to be a lot of work.
"WHAAT? you mean I have to *work* for my #freeMoney??!? #OUTRAGEOUS!!?!" Sooooo much work downloading a couple of applications and installing them... Quote
Isn't there just one wallet where I can sweep them all in?
You could try Exodus (HUGE default fees which you can't change)... Jaxx (buggy as hell)... Coinomi (Possibly mobile only, don't think the desktop version is released yet)Quote
I just want it to be simple. Simple and cheap. (Plus I have mac)
And I'd like my wallet balance to to say 1000 BTC... I'm guessing both of us are going to be disappointed this week 