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Spare me the bullion, find one with Monopoly dollars in it. Or maple leaves. Or other such things of "value". Again: that the court is free of formalism works both ways. Substantially, Bitcoin is not money, and a formalist approach to value does not save the proposal to regulate every basketball card trading club in Punjab under the SEC.
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Tcherepnin v. Knight, 389 U. S. 332, 389 U. S. 336 (1967) (in interpreting the term "security," "form should be disregarded for substance and the emphasis should be on economic reality"). Congress' purpose in enacting the securities laws was to regulate investments, in whatever form they are made and by whatever name they are called.
Edit: Today you're making the "PR" part seem like a real, tedious job.