i found out that the best option to choose fees is using this website:
https://jochen-hoenicke.de/queue/so far bitcoinfees.earn.com is inaccurate and leads to higher fees. coinb.in is better but i haven't checked it in long term to see how it performs under different circumstances.
https://jochen-hoenicke.de/queue/ is simply the representation of transactions in the memory pool and the amount of fees they are paying.
set the interval to 24 hours and look at
last chart (Mempool size in MB). mouse over the last point(s) and see how much size is on how much fee. for example in below picture 2.4+ MB is paying 2+ fees. that is 1130 transactions. bitcoin blocks are currently around 1-1.2 MB so anything above 2 Satoshi/Byte has a high chance of giving you high priority.
i use size (last chart) instead of count (first chart) because sometimes mempool is filled with small transactions and sometimes large ones. so you don't know if 100 tx paying 5 s/b is going to fill the block or only take up 10% of it for example.

hopefully we see
Electrum 3.1 sooner and see other wallets and websites implement this method instead.