"Lead" guitar players are annoying. I hate having to play with more than one guitarist at a time. One good rhythm guitarist is worth more than 100 noisy, self-centered "lead" guitarists with all their goofy effects pedals and total lack of self control.
I'm curious how much of your bad experiences with players, as you have described, boil down to their own fundamental inexperience playing with a band.
As a producer myself, I find I'm brutally harsh on myself when it comes down to final mix - making sure everything ebbs and flows properly across the piece. Making sure no one element overpowers another unless I choose to accent a particular segment.
Shit like this takes at least a decade to hone.