Dear Drug Lord Douche Bags:

Isn't in funny when your payments get intercepted by law enforcement? Isn't it hilarious when your own couriers abscond with your cash? It must be difficult to guard all your loot- I mean after all there is only so much cash you can stuff up your ass in a condom.

You can build submarines, but you're too stupid to understand Bitcoin.  Hiding, storing and transferring money discretely and securely apparently is beyond your capabilities. You must be much more skilled at manufacturing poison and chopping off heads. 

Thank you for not polluting our community with your presence. Know this: We, a bunch of nerds, could do your job almost effortlessly.  The only reason we don't is because we are not parasites and because it's so entertaining to watch you fail.

Sincerely,
Bitcoin Nation