*Facepalm* Someone please tell me they have a copy of the Vanilla V3 image, or that one of the older ones works? I was shipped a blank SD card.
And, yes, I did have the sense to plug it into a PC to try to back it up prior to inserting it in the Pi.
Edit: Bah, V2 won't fit on the card and GandalfG's image, while booted, isn't generating any hashes. I don't know if it's my rig or not, yet.
Login with ssh and check what chainminer is doing:
sudo screen -r | grep -m1 Detached | cut -b2-7
EDIT:
I omitted an important part. Here's the complete command:
sudo screen -r `sudo screen -r | grep -m1 Detached | cut -b2-7`