hello zhuchunyu,

I have a proposal for you. Why don't you try to go to your local ccp office and become a member? You know it isn't a sect, you can leave for any reason you want. But at least you will really know what is going on. it's like food, how could you tell you will not like it if you didn't try it?

I think it is really the best way for you to find peace again. And who knows you may like it...

or did you already try? I bet not.