I'll tell you how pretty good it was! I watched twice--back-to-back.

Now, for a Bitcoin version.

Ding dong!

May I help you?

Yes! I'm Tom Williams. I'm here to return the 49% or 100%, whatever the case may be, of the bitcoins I've been keeping in a mayonnaise jar since noon of the day of the heist.

Great! But how did you know where I lived?