OP UPDATING! Was away for a while and I'm just now getting back up to speed on the latest happenings with BTC.

My thinking is the coins never actually existed. I dumped the private keys and rescanned the wallet, the balance returned to 0, and the unconfirmed transactions vanished. The Tx IDs, when looked up on blockchain.info return nothing.

The wallet is too big to import into blockchain.info. Is there any other ways of attempting to getting the coins back or are they gone? I distinctly remember having a similar problem a year ago and I managed to recover coins.