Thank you all for that information. There are ways of resolving the timestamp in a decentralized manner.
"Ways"
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Miners express their own local view of the time in the timestamps, subject to some constraints of plausibility that don't endanger the decentralized nature of the system. You can freely apply whatever postprocessing you like to these values or, better, find parties who have already recorded times for them.
It does not do what you want it to do, it does what the system needs it to do.
And some folks have tried to take advantage of that one way and another -- I think that at one time it may have been advantageous for miners to have their clocks set differently from the rest of the network or something a bit crazy like that.
Would you please reduce your level of nonsense emission?
There hasn't ever been such a situation in Bitcoin. Though I believe some altcoins may have self destructed based on trying to "fix" timestamps as you've outlined.
In any case, if you did want to try to produce a precise consensus "real time", though Bitcoin doesn't and avoids a lot of unnecessary complexity on account of it you'd still need a mechanism for participants to express their true opinion about the time, and that metric would not be monotonic.