I've been tinkering non-stop in hopes of figuring this out before someone else does and it turns out I'm an idiot. No luck. So if anyone has any idea how I can figure out what's wrong it would be much appreciated.

(If this part is not-allowed, please remove:If this setup can work with my Kindle, I'll send half of the first cash-out I get with it from multipool=5000 dogecoin)