See, what saddens me is that this IS my life, and I have people like you who assume the world is full of evil selfish people. If you really think I'm a "con-artist," talk to Eric. I actually met up with him a few weeks back here in Denver. He knows I'm for real, and I had never met him before in my life. I don't care if you don't believe me. Only two people from this forum have helped me out at all, and one was Eric. He got me a 50$ McDonald's gift card.

"Pity he doesn't deserve"? I don't want pity, but sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to. I've put my entire life out here on the line, for everyone to read.. and you come along and assume you know everything about everything. You don't even insinuate that you're making an assumption. You're right, completely right, 100%, and you instantly believe that everyone else should be as untrusting and as bitter as you. After that post I made last night, I wandered over to a friends house to see if I could stay there just for the night. If I can't get together money for a hotel (I have 0$ income from this forum, and as I previously stated, I panhandle 99.9% of the time to get food/shelter/blankets) I leave enough time to get back to Longmont so I can sleep in my friends car. Well, my supposed friend went to boulder to pick up some money for a hotel, and told me to wait for him here in Aurora. I spent 7 hours waiting at the bus stop and he never came. I wasn't able to get back to longmont as the buses stopped running for the night. So I went to a different friends house to see if I could stay there, which unfortunately caused an argument between him and his girlfriend.

I asked him for a blanket and he grabbed one out of the closet, which looked to me to be lining the floor beneath the litter boxes. "Hey man, it may smell like cat piss, but it's better than nothing right?" Ugh.. I suppose so. I walked as far as I could and found a fenced off trash compactor thing.. Like one of those dumpster trash compactors. I laid down my piss covered blanket, and got a few hours rest before I woke up shivering. I think that's a feeling that most people don't really know. To wake up chilled to the bone.. It's a terrible feeling, and it usually takes an hour or two to stop shivering. When it happens, you're pretty much screwed, because it means whatever you're using for warmth obviously isn't good enough. You're too cold to try to go somewhere to find better shelter or another blanket/cardboard. Not to mention it's usually 2-4am when it gets cold enough to wake you up.

If you think I'm here to milk the bitcoin community, you're sorely mistaken. I think you have some sort of idea that people are throwing me hundreds of dollars on a weekly basis, nowhere near the case. The reason I keep coming back to this forum, and no others, is because this is truly a community. I've had A LOT of helpful advice, and plenty of kind words from people who don't even know me. As I said as well, I'm always up to meet people in person and share my story/answer questions.

Why did you choose to quote my "Step in front of a bus" line? I suppose to you it seems similar to one of the supposedly suicidal girlfriends you once had. Some sort of empty line meant for attention, and maybe it is partially an expression of angst. I've been on the streets for almost two years now, and it's beating the shit out of me. I'm 21.... 21... and I really have nothing. The only friends I have, I can't count on them to be where they say they're gonna be, let alone something beneficial.

I'm an honest man, and I despise liars. I understand where your mistrust comes from. It's a dog-eat-dog world, where everyone's trying to cut eachother's throats just to get ahead. I won't steal from anyone, and the only lying I do is sometimes I'll tell people I need food when really I'm trying to get a hotel. I don't get why shelter is a much lesser necessity. Also, I don't understand why if you're homeless you're automatically supposed to BE homeless. You HAVE to stay at the shelter, and frequent soup kitchens. I've been told I act like I'm too good for shelters, and it's partially right. Shelter's are disgusting places, even if the facility is nice. The Boulder shelter has a fantastic facility, but as with everything in this world, humans destroy it. It's difficult to sleep in a dorm-room setting with 130 other people, at least 20 of which are shitfaced drunk talking extraordinarily loud. The others are coughing and hacking all night, audibly spitting on the floor. Lights turn on at 5:30am, and you have to leave by 7am. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I don't see how a shelter will benefit me. No one there has any respect for anyone else.. I won't shower there. Last time a tried someone had shit on the floor. If you're homeless you're expected to fall into the homeless life, or rather the socially acceptable constructed homeless life. The few people I personally know who live that life have no aspirations.. they spend their lives between jail, detox, and the shelter... and I believe such is the way the shelter is constructed.

Once you start LIVING there, and calling it home. At least half of your worries are taken care of. You have a place to sleep, shower, and eat. What bothers me though, is that you do nothing to earn your own way. You can live at the shelter without contributing a damn thing to anything or anyone. You don't have to work, and you can fall into a routine very similar to a jail lifestyle.. Get there, eat, watch TV, goto sleep, wake up, eat, watch TV, leave, rinse and repeat....

To be happy, I need to earn my own way. I know most of you will say panhandling isn't work. It's lazy, and pathetic. I will agree that it's pathetic, often times a simple harsh word will make me cry, not because I'm weak (I don't consider myself to be), but you're really putting yourself out there. You're entirely at the mercy of the person you're talking to. People, not dissimilar from you, can be vicious, vile, and completely unsympathetic. They'll judge you within 5 seconds, and determine that you don't even deserve their time, let alone a bit of food. I never "fly a sign" as I do consider that lazy, and entirely more deceptive. Anytime you see someone flying a sign that says "I'm hungry" or "Will work for food" I can almost 100% assure you that it's for cigarettes or alcohol. If one really wants food, you can just go outside a restaurant and ask for leftovers, it usually only takes about 10-15 minutes max.
If anyone here thinks that panhandling is easy, I dare you to try it for one hour. Go out and put yourself on the line, ask for help. You'll find that people will step on your heart and cut off your balls so-to-speak.

If you'd have read all of my posts, you'd have a pretty sure idea that I'm not lying. If you want evidence as to anything you think I'm lying about, I assure you I can produce it. I don't think I'll waste my time doing so though, because I really don't care what you think. I'm not here to prove something, as I don't need to. I'm here to get a few kind words, have a place to vent, and to transcribe my day-to-day struggle. If it doesn't interest you, and you're completely unsympathetic, then don't bother reading it. No one asked you to anyway.

I don't know, is anyone here actually interested in this lifestyle? The struggles of a distraught economy? The alleged "bottom of the barrel"? I was thinking about writing about the past few years in a more biography style. I just wanna know if it'd be worth my time, if anyone would be interested to read it?

I'd like to know if anyone would be interested in reading a autobiography. Please respond with yes/no.