I am in the same boat, full of cracks, holes, and which is badly in need of a paint job.  I've been scouring sections like Economics and Speculation looking for good quality posts (not even excellent, just good), especially those made by Newbies through Full Member ranks, and it is what I would refer to as kindly as I can as an exercise in futility. 

I would prefer not to slit my throat from ear to ear such that I'm no longer a merit source.  You could do with my body as you will and feel free to post pictures with a NSFW warning.  I would much prefer if there was a good way to find meritable posts by low-ranked members that doesn't require the needle-in-a-haystack dilemma without resorting to the magnet trick.

I just can't bring myself to merit newbies when they basically write insipid tripe in a language that only superficially resembles English.

If anyone knows of any posts deserving merits, feel free to send me a PM with links.  If what you link to are complete shitposts, I'll block future PMs from you.  And please realize I have fairly high standards when deciding to hand out merits.