If you start a business and ask the bank for $10m they will throw you out on the street. ICOs should set a much lower and realistic softcap, even $1m or $2m is enough for most of these projects in the ANN thread.
Do you think they really need millions of dollars for a team to develop a program and then market it afterwards?
You're looking at matter as if all the projects were the same. Obviously it very much depends on the project and you have to assess each individually. Just like with (other) businesses, some need few thousands to start, other could need hundreds of millions.
To be honest, having high soft-cap could add some legitimacy to ICO. If organisers intend to pull yet another money-grab scheme, they're more likely to set soft-cap quite low, so they don't need to return it if the goal is not reached.