Better?
I don't like to be the one to break this to you, but you're never going to be better. But that's just the nature of things. Some win gold and some come last.

You make yourself into a loser when you take matters personally on the interwebs and then you interact with guys and gal in threads such as this with your feelings on the line (and perhaps concern about respect), which seems to be your current trajectory.
Your situation is NOT necessarily a lost cause because any of us has an ability to recover from such negative trajectory, as long as we attempt to learn how to take a bit of emotion out of our expectations.