Damn that's hard to read, although I must say I've been there myself. Not with your amounts, because I didn't get into bitcoin early, so I can't even imagine those numbers, but in terms of % of risk, based on my own bankroll I would say I lost the same and I did some crazy things.

I'm ok now, and I even got back to gamble from time to time, but I do it just for fun, and it's working for me. If you want to stay away from gambling, then I think you should, specially if you can't control yourself very well. Another thing you can do, in the future, is to create a gambling bankroll, a very small one, that you can afford to lose, and then just use that. If you feel calm with what you are risking, then you will not feel the need to recover it, if you lose it, since you are just doing for fun, and with that mindset, gambling becomes just another hobby.